During the last semester at school I ran out of pages in my journal. Instead of going out and finding a new one, I started a private blog with wordpress, that only I can see. An online-diary of sorts.
I hate to be one of those youths that thinks (imagine me saying this in a dull, mopey & monotonous voice), “I write poetry, I’m so artsy” but it’s true- sometimes I do write poems, or lyrics to songs without a tune.
And a couple of them have ended up on my little private blog.
It’s kind of weird to think about it, I don’t just sit down and think “okay, time to write a poem” and plan it all out. If I write one it’s just because it popped into my head. Wedged it’s way into my conscious mind and refused to leave me alone until I put pen to paper.
So here is one of those poems, written quite recently on December 20th, 2012.
I, The Rabbit
Out from nowhere
fate would have it.
You a hawk
and I, the rabbit.
Swooping down, a friend or foe?
Even now I do not know.
Dare the rabbit pose the question,
‘of us, what is your impression’?
Fear, it killed the rabbit’s voice-
Stuck, the prey must make a choice.
Dare it chance to lose your favor,
with the hope of something greater?
Is it strange that I often wish that I could just skip a few years into the future? Not that it would be many- just two or three.. perhaps four.
Everyone says that their college years are the most exciting years of their life- looking back on all the fun they had, with the freedom that comes with being between two key phases in life; our dependent childhood and high school antics, and being out in the working world, a full fledged “adult”. Whatever that means.
We are adults, independent but not quite all on our own. We are still in school, but it was a “choice” (technically, anyway), not a government required education. We have bills, loans, tuition, and other finances to worry about, but we don’t always know how to handle them. They are new to us.
For many of us we are in a new locale – surrounded by entirely new people. Even after a few years there is still so much that we do not know.
I am trying to get into the habit of looking at this time in my life as others have- as an exciting time of freedom, both in that I am living on my own, in a city of “my own”, taking control of my studies as best I can. But after three years of university (this is my fourth), I just wish I could move ahead already. Be working every day in a field, in an occupation, that I enjoy. Marrying the man I have loved for years. Getting pregnant for the first time and setting up my home. Creating a family and rooting myself.